Deathstalker - Pirate Captain

"Where's the crew?" said Finlay. "I don't see anyone..."

"Shiver me timbers and batter me bulkheads," said a deep voice from above them. They all looked up at the bridge, to see a heavily bearded face peering down at them. There were pretty ribbons in his beard, and he wore a large purple hat with feathers and wax fruit on it. He had earrings. Long dangly ones. He glared down at the humans and adjusted his hat nervously.

"Isn't that just typical of humans? Always in a hurry. Can't a girl take a few moments to make sure she looks her best? Stay where you are, sweeties, I'll come right down. And don't touch anything, darlings. I've only just finished cleaning up around here. I'm Captain of this ship, and don't you forget it."

The face pulled back and disappeared, and a series of loud thuds from inside the ship indicated that the Captain was descending to join them. The Bear and the Goat shared a significant glance, and then shook their heads. A door flew open onto the deck, and the Captain of the Merry Mrs. Trusspot came hurrying out and headed for the guardrail. He was a pirate Captain, in full traditional dress, all flashing silks and flounced sleeves, and he balanced precariously on two wooden peg legs. On his left shoulder perched a really scruffy-looking parrot, who clung desperately to the Captain's epaulet and studied the humans with a dark and evil eye. He only had the one. The Captain grabbed the guardrail to steady himself, lifted his chin proudly, and raised his hat to the humans.

"Ahoy there, sweeties. Welcome to the Merry Mrs. Trusspot. Do be sure to use her full name at all times, darlings, or she'll go all sulky and start venting the bilges into the air-conditioning again. Delighted to meet you all. I just know we're going to get along tremendously well, and have a splendid time on our little adventure. Do come aboard, and we'll have a few drinkies and some nibbles, before we shove off. I've made fudge fingers and fairy cakes."

"Ar har," said the parrot on his shoulder. "Pieces of eight, bugger the mate."

"Shut up!" said the Captain. He swatted at the parrot with a heavily ringed hand, but the bird dodged with the ease of long practice. The Captain glared at it, and the parrot glared right back. The Captain blinked nervously, and looked back at his passengers. "Come along, sweeties, never keep a good sherry waiting."

As one, the humans turned to look at Bruin Bear and the Sea Goat, who both shrugged uncomfortably. "We did think about warning you in advance," said the Bear. "But we couldn't seem to come up with the right words. He's rebelling against his original characterization. Ever since he became aware, he's been at pains to distance himself as far as possible from his original role. I think the new him is based on a passenger who rather caught the Captain's attention. He says he feels much more comfortable the way he is now."

Flynn looked at Toby. "I think I may have found a kindred spirit."

"You leave him alone," Toby said sternly. "You'll only confuse him even more. The last thing these toys need is to start worrying about their sexual identity."

Bruin Bear and the Sea Goat looked at each other. "What's sex?" said the Bear.

Toby glared at Flynn. "Now see what you've done!"

-Deathstalker War, Simon R. Green

Sorry for the long quote, but it's a great introduction and I love it. This is from one of my favorite parts of all of the Deathstalker books. Think "Heart of Darkness" at Disneyworld.

Sketched, inked with Micron .05 and .02 pens, scanned, colored in photoshop 7.